Leopard spotted on campus, students tell tale

WOW: Students are going nuts over Byerly’s new idea: You won’t believe what she said to campus

Lower changes menu for 18th time in semester

Inspiring: Watch as Prof mutates into reptilian alien in the middle of exam

Class of 2021 reading book to be ‘The Art of the Deal’

After four years of economics classes, student still cannot graph value of true love

Study shows watching news increases likelihood of swearing

Lecture series to promote the discussion of ‘any idea ever no matter what forever’

Byerly leads march against Trump, says ‘not political’

Vampire dies after garlic overdose in Upper

New MLA citation allows for ‘people are saying,’ ‘alternative facts’

Radical student not to work in finance or engineering

Popular kids vote to declare Byerly ‘cool’

Recent graduate reportedly lived connected, led change

Business major created, economics department has no more students

Engineer stumbles out of Acopian, shocked to see season changed

Editor tells campus ‘stop making news,’ hasn’t slept for 12 days

Piles of cash found in admissions, calls it ‘honorarium’

Written by The Scoffayette staff.

Editor’s note: This article is part of The Scoffayette, our satire April Fool’s edition. Read the other Scoffayette stories here.