Recent allegations have been circulating about The Lafayette “faking” the quotes of students and faculty members.
Because we want to show our fellow readers that we are very serious about our job and have done no wrong, here is a manuscript of a real interview from a real article:
Spice: “Professor Peacock is genuine and truly cares about his class. His voice is quiet but it’s nice because sometimes in the morning you don’t really want to be around loud people.”
Me: “Woah Spice–”
Spice: “Oh, I’m sorry my name isn’t–”
Me: “Spice I know it’s hard. Professors should make you feel comfortable and give you courage. It is unfortunate to have such hatred for your professors.”
Spice: “What? No, I’m sorry. I do love my professors. In fact, there is nothing negative I can say about them.”
Me: “Woah there! Your hatred and bigotry is making me uncomfortable. Please settle down.”
Spice: “You’re completely misconstruing what I’m saying. Why are you on your phone?”
Me: “Poor girl. Poor soul. I completely get it. Got it. Heard you. Will make sure I have the right quotes. I mean your voice needs to be heard.”
Me: “You do have to work on this anger and hostility. My job as a journalist is to seek out the truth. I will go to the moon and back for my people.”
Spice: “It would be ideal if you did not say I hate–”
Me: “Hate is a real strong word, Spice. But you have the right to feel whatever you want. Freedom of speech is my motto.”
Another student expressed their discontent of professors.
The Other Student: “Writing is my Passion. With Professor Noteworthy I feel comfortable going to her office hours and getting feedback on my work.”
Me: “Other Student please, no professor should tell you that your writing is that bad.”
The Other Student: “Did you just call me the other student?”
Me: “Thank you for joining The Lafayette and happy birthday!”
The Other Student: “Are you actually from the newspaper?”
By The Intern ‘6666
Editor’s note: This is a satire piece from our April Fool’s “Scoffayette” edition.