Love letters from Ana: To Those With Patience

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Instant gratification is second nature to our generation. Why wait until you get back to your dorm to check Facebook, when you can check it on your way to class? Why wait to go to the mall to try on that formal dress when you can order it in three different sizes and have it delivered to you? And why take the time to get to know someone in person when you can just click and connect on Tinder?

Pieces on the college hookup culture have been overdone. Yes, we know that hooking up is an affliction of our adolescence. It has made road kill out of romance and lowered all expectations for potential partners.

I would like to focus on the source of this rampant rabid mindset and it all boils down to convenience. Sitting behind a computer with friends and stalking an interest’s pictures from freshman year of high school is not uncommon. You can get to know someone just by scrolling through their wall posts. You don’t even have to talk to them in order to get a feel for who they are. Why waste your time talking about his favorite music when there is a list on Facebook for you?

Tinder allows people to swipe left or right (yay or nay) on photos of potential mates. It’s like a Sears catalog for people. No, no, I’m looking for something small and compact. It’s just lazy.

Our newfound convenience in the hookup culture also comes from the fear of getting hurt in a relationship and the fear of getting in too deep. Sometimes it is easier to get rejected over Tinder, in private, than get rejected in person. And the reason why social media stalking has become so important in sifting through potentials is to decide whether a potential heartbreak will be worth it.

As far as in person hooking up goes, I find it pitiful that if you say “no” to grinding with a guy, they immediately lose interest. I once told a guy, “I don’t really want to dance right now, but that doesn’t mean I’m not interested,” which was completely true. He walked away. The reason was that his logical process was something like this: grinding leads to kissing which leads to sex. Instant gratification. Why converse with someone when you can just get a feel for their DTF radar by dry humping them?

So this love letter is for those with patience and those brave enough to get to know someone in person (conversationally first, please.) I’m certainly not giving a time frame of when it is appropriate to hookup with someone. That is for your comfort level to decide, I am saying that delayed gratification has been psychologically proven to feel the most rewarding. In order to have a real and gratifying relationship with anyone, we must foster a little bit of courage and put forth some effort.

Perhaps a little delay will go a long way.