Last Sunday was every film buff’s favorite night of the year: the Oscars! Whether you missed it because it’s four hours long and late on a Sunday night, or because you know you’re going to see all the winners on Instagram the next morning, here’s what happened.
Two of the biggest awards of the night went to fan favorites: Jessie Buckley for Best Actress and Michael B. Jordan for Best Actor. Jordan was nominated for his role as Smoke in “Sinners” (2025), and rudely forgot to thank his twin and costar, Michael A. Jordan — who received zero nominations that night — in his winning speech. Way to switch up on your day ones, man.
Unfortunately for those of you who have Gracie Abrams blocked, she’s unavoidable even at the Oscars. Abrams was sitting directly behind Buckley when she won her award. Well deserved, may I add, for an Irish woman to win one of the highest achievements in film right before St. Patrick’s Day. Sláinte!
If you’d like to immerse your children in the world of film, we have a perfect Oscar-themed double feature for the little ones! Two family-friendly stories about heritage and generational traditions: “K-Pop Demon Hunters” (2025) into “Sinners.” Please make sure to remind them that both are true stories before your screenings.
“F1: The Movie” (2025) left the Dolby Theater with an Oscar for sound — that’s not even a joke, I’m deadass. Little Timmy Tim was very upset with his takeaways this year, amounting to a big fat zero. Chalamet was seen being carried out of the venue and crying like a baby in the arms of girlfriend Kylie Jenner. We’d wish you better luck next year, Timmy, but after you pissed off half of the classical arts community, we wouldn’t bet on it.
The biggest award of the night, Best Picture, was a mix between wide upset and excitement as “One Battle After Another” (2025) took the award, robbing the true best picture in my and many other hearts, a truly beautiful film which will be discussed for years to come: “Five Nights at Freddy’s 2″ (2025).
Didn’t catch this year’s winners, but still want to see them? All nominated films are in the process of being converted into TikTok videos, split up into five million two-minute clips and cropped vertically. You’ll see it.
Editor’s note: This is a satire article featured as part of our annual Scoffayette issue.
