This message was sent on behalf of [email protected].
Dear Students, Faculty and Staff,
We’ve lost the disgraced former Student Government parliamentarian, Trebor Maitin ’24.
Some say Student Government kidnapped him, or maybe it was the capybaras again. Some say he tried to chase off a bear in Easton. Some say he joined Zeta Psi. The editors are sad, although Dirty Skanky Whore Bitch Librarian ’24 is celebrating.
We need your help.
If you have any pictures of our managing editor, please send them to [email protected]. The best photo of Maitin sent to that email will be selected on April 4 and posted on YikYak. The winner gets a surprise. Perhaps we’ll get our beloved managing editor back when he hears about this.
Words or phrases that he will respond to:
- There’s a typo in the article!
- Any Robert’s Rule (especially “YOU DIDN’T SECOND THE MOTION”)
- Goldfish, angelfish or humuhumunukunukuāpuaʻa
Thank you for your continued engagement in these planning efforts that are so important to the future of our College.
To great things ahead!
wait nvm
From, [email protected]
Editor’s note: This is a satire article featured as part of our annual Scoffayette issue.