Have you ever wanted to talk to a love expert? You know, beyond your friends who give you the same advice because you never follow it and your mom who keeps asking when you’re going to get a girlfriend?
Your professors are here to help.
The Lafayette interviewed three Lafayette College professors to answer some of modern life’s most pressing questions about love, just for you. Hopefully, their answers will be able to alleviate just a few of your Valentine’s Day qualms and queries.
Disclaimer: Neither The Lafayette or any of the article’s interviewees are responsible for your struggling love life or decisions made in poor taste. Don’t text your ex.
Amy Marvin, philosophy fellow in ethics
Philosophy professor Amy Marvin has a whole lot of research interests — including the philosophy of love and sex — making her the perfect interviewee to ask hard-hitting ethical love questions.
1. Will women be impressed if I read feminist philosophy?
It depends.
“If you seriously commit to it, and actually try to learn the concepts, rather than just holding a book that says ‘feminist philosophy’ in front of you, I think that could be impressive,” she said.
2. How ethical is ghosting?
It also depends, as many things in life do!
“I say that varies based on how that person is treating you,” Marvin said.
“If they’re treating you normal, you should let them know, for the sake of planning,” she continued. “If they’re being weird about it, ghost them.”
3. Is love real?
Marvin said that this heavy question has a lot to do with the type of “moods” that we approach the topic of love with, accounting for both heartbreaking and uplifting experiences.
She said that love is real “at times yes, at times, no, and it’ll often surprise you where it goes.”
“Maybe even if the idea of love is fake, I think we should be open to the idea that it’s real,” she concluded.
4. Concluding advice?
“It’s not always bad to make some mistakes, but you should learn from them,” she said.
True! We’re only human, after all.
Jennifer Talarico, psychology department head
Psychology department head Jennifer Talarico is a cognitive psychologist specializing in the study of memory, a crucial component of romance and our relationships with others.
1. Why is it harder to stop thinking about a “situationship” than a real relationship?
Talarico says it’s the “uncertainty” and feeling of something unfinished that keeps us thinking about situationships longer than relationships.
She cited an old study in cognitive psychology by Rachel Zeigarnik, which found that unfinished tasks are more memorable than completed ones.
“The situationship, by its very nature, is undefined, so it’s going to be distracting because it has that uncertain, ephemeral quality to it,” she said.
So it’s only natural you’re stuck on them. Don’t beat yourself up about it.
2. But then, how do I get over someone?
“You get rid of reminders of that person,” Talarico said. “We are very good at responding to cues in our environment.”
She advised not to go as far as to delete the photos or burn any teddy bears, but to “put them away” and “set them aside.”
“Eliminate those reminders and build new memories in new places with new people,” she said.
And certainly don’t listen to songs that remind you of them.
3. How can I make a lasting impression on my crush?
“Try to be distinctive,” Talarico said. “Try to stand out.”
“Don’t just ask the same old questions everybody gets 1,000 times,” she said. This includes, “What’s your major?” and, “Where are you from?” among other overused (and uninteresting) lines.
Talarico also recommends being funny, wearing conversation fashion pieces and interesting jewelry or trying a unique scent.
4. Concluding advice?
“When you’re in a new relationship, don’t forget about your friends,” she said. “Make time for everybody.”
Walter Wadiak, English professor
English professor Walter Wadiak is a scholar of medieval literature and popular romance, among other subjects.
He pointed out that the first known mention of Valentine’s Day was from English poet Geoffrey Chaucer in “The Parliament of Fowls.”
1. Is chivalry dead?
“Yes,” he said.
“It died in the 15th century,” he specified, explaining that chivalry literally means “horseback techniques.”
If only Public Safety gave us permits to park horses, too.
2. If medieval lovers waited months for a letter, how long is too long to wait for a text back?
“As long as you feel like,” he said.
But keep in mind that letters take a long time to craft and send, even today, and text messages take seconds.
3. How can I make my life more like a romance novel?
It’s not what you’d think.
“Wait seven years before telling somebody that you like them,” Wadiak advised.
“It’s a conventional amount of time you wait in a medieval romance to do anything productive,” he continued.
4. Concluding advice?
“Stay chilling until you get lucky,” he said.
