Lafayette College has announced a minor tweak to its signature slogan — no, it’s not “Cur Non.”
“This year, we are inviting our family to discover the power of ‘WITH,’” documentary producer college President Nicole Hurd wrote in a campus-wide email announcing the retirement of “AND.”
Hurd hopes the change highlights what a liberal arts degree is truly for.
“Engineering AND English AND theater AND geology are way too many things for tour guides to remember,” she wrote. “WITH represents the main pillar of the strategic plan: humanizing our engineering students.”
Do you like learning about human rights but want to work at Lockheed Martin one day?
“Your spot is here,” Hurd wrote.
“I am an engineer WITH tendencies of performative activism,” Nuts N. Bolts ‘27 said.
“Engineers make better scholars — at least they’re built to last!” said Bolts’ friend, Chát Jepepe ‘26. What a funny joke. Thank you, Chát.
The Scoffayette’s faculty advisor, Hicole Nurd, has removed all other opinions as they are “morons” who “don’t think like a tomato.”
The change is in response to the approaching bicentennial, according to former college bitch Mister Lackey. “If one thing is true about the Lafayette College administration, we strive to be crystal clear in our messaging,” Lackey wrote on a scroll sent via messenger pigeon.
When asked about how the college would respond to federal attacks on DEI, he repeated the mission and values statement over and over again until it became an incoherent blob.
“It’s time for a change,” Mister Lackey later wrote after he was lobotomized.
Editor’s note: This is a satire article featured as part of our annual Scoffayette issue.
