“It consumes my life,” said one student about their parents’ presence on the site. “My every waking thought.” (Graphic by Angry Ferret for The Scoffayette)

Since the dawn of the Lafayette College parent Facebook group, parents have been able to annoy, embarrass, irk, vex, exasperate, pester, irritate and inform their children in new ways.

Here are those children’s stories.

“My mom tracks me on Life360,” Erie Tated ’26 said. “Every time I’m within 50 feet of a dining hall, she texts me to warn me the chicken may be raw. I don’t even have to be in a dining hall, just passing one, so this happens tens of times a day. My mom has a job. I don’t know how she has time to do this.”

“My dad sends me endless photos of dorm shrooms,” Rile Dup ‘25 said. “I’m thinking of making it into a collage for LAVA.”

“Please, please keep me anonymous,” Eden T. Fide ‘27 begged. “One of my parents is the most frequent poster in the group. I don’t want to tell my friends. I’m so ashamed.”

Fide clarified that her mother posts an average of thirty-nine times a day in the Facebook group.

“When my dad saw there were mice on campus, he drove up to deal with them himself,” Em Barassed ‘28 said. “Suddenly, this 50-year-old man in a Hawaiian shirt is storming down the all-girls dorm in Marquis, asking where Ratatouille is. I called P-Safe. The worst part? His name isn’t even Ratatouille. It’s Remy!”

The Scoffayette thanks these students for sharing their experiences so bravely and honestly.