In more ways than not, everyone’s heart is healing. Whether the result of a break up or someone you can’t move on from, love hurts. It can be total agony. This is a concept that most people, including myself, find difficult to understand. Why must something that is supposedly good for the soul and whole person, hurt so much? Is it all worth it? And is drama necessary to feel totally encapsulated by love?

There are times where it is impossible not to feel utterly lost and heartbroken when something doesn’t go the way you had hoped in a relationship or with a crush. You feel defeated and no matter what the reasons are for things not working out, you feel that everything that went wrong was your fault.

You feel ugly, insignificant, as if you’ve lost control of your direction in life because the matters of the heart are bewitching, beautiful, and terrifying all at the same time. They encompass your whole being and when your counterpart is no longer there, what else is there to hold on to?

Part of the healing process is letting yourself feel pain. It’s best to avoid overanalyzing the situation (last words and actions, etc.) although it can be difficult not to. Allowing yourself to feel things through will ultimately prove as a remedy of relief in the long-term.

Do not ever diminish what you feel. Don’t think that you must hold it together for someone or something. The truth is, that although being able to handle heartbreak, a social life, and class load, would be an ideal and impressive undertaking, you have to forgive yourself when things get difficult. You are only human after all.

In the movie Funny Girl, Barbra Streisand sings, “people who need people

are the luckiest people in the world.” The lyrics imply that everyone needs other people in order to have a fulfilling life. I couldn’t agree more, but people also cause each other so much pain. It seems that part of the human experience includes varying degrees and even extremes of both joy and hurt.

Although investing the time and effort into feeling love can feel like it only produces anguish and drama, it is the risk we take in order to reach that ultimate goal of fulfillment.

Love hurts. But as my mom told me in the wake of my first heartbreak, “these are growing pains.” Not necessarily pain that explicitly goes along with aging, because you can be in love and in hurt at any age, but pain that helps us grow as people. Our strongest and often most painful relationships are those that help us grow in our personal lives. They make us more complex and empathetic.

That brings me to you, my healing hearts, those of you who have ever been hurt or scarred by love. Whether the initial lesion was yesterday or five years ago, the healing process is a process of growth. Things always get better over time. Surround yourself with the people in your life that love you right now. Do all the things that bring you joy, whether it be eating your favorite meal or watching a favorite film (my go-to is It’s A Wonderful Life – it really puts everything into perspective), it is important to focus on you for awhile.

Wounds always leave traces whether as a visible scar or in memory, and the same holds true for heartbreak. It is easy to meet someone new and associate old and ill feelings you had with a previous person with them. Remember that no two people are the same and although experiences in love may seem reminiscent of each other, they are in essence very different. You are different. You’ve grown and healed since. Do not let those old scars get in the way of your happiness today.

You deserve a clean slate and so does your new someone.