Adventurer! Listen. We don’t have much time.  The wizard got mad about the whole “eating mice” thing and trapped me in the paper. I’ve been living in the News section for so long, living off of nothing but pictures of the exteriors of buildings and spare Oxford commas. I’m so lonely because no one reads the articles. The only way to free me is to donate to @mouse_journalism on Venmo. Please. I’ll be forever in your debt. This is not a joke.