I had the opportunity to get my hands on the book that puts the Gutenberg Bible to shame, “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.” To be blunt, this is by far the most confusing, mind-blowing piece of literature I have ever read.
This book really gets to the hard-hitting ethical question of “What happens when you give a mouse a cookie?” and while this is really important, world-altering information, the book really neglects to address the important follow-up questions.
The mouse gets the cookie on sentence one. But what about the cake? The pie? The muffins? The creme brulee????? Why has fate chosen a cookie for him? What about the cookie draws him in? All of these questions are left unanswered.
Despite this, this is still by a mile, the most psychologically complex book I have ever read. I have dreams about this mouse, his cookie, his milk, his comically large crayons. I am fascinated by him and his love of chocolatey chip goodness.
This glorious text has had me questioning the meaning of life. I heard a rumor that reading this book made Plato and Nietzsche cry and feel like incompetent little fools as “philosophers,” and I know I’ll never be the same after this life-altering literary experience.
I want you to read this, God wants you to read this and most importantly, the mouse himself wants you to read this.
Disclaimer: None of Murray’s Mice contributed writing or sourcing for this review.
Editor’s note: This is a satire article featured as part of our annual Scoffayette issue.
