To the Lafayette community,

We the editorial board are pleased to announce our endorsement of unsafe sex. Condoms? Shameful. Gonnorhea? Spectacular. We hate our Oxford commas, but we hate using protection that much more. 

So what makes sex good? First and foremost, absolutely no protection. “Safe sex” is just another phrase for pussy shit. No matter your sexuality, no matter your age, unsafe sex is for everyone.

Sincerely,
The Scoffayette Editorial Board

Editor’s note: This is a satire article featured as part of our annual Scoffayette issue.