Ryan Ramble, the deposed dean of students, was spotted last Tuesday getting a brown sugar latte at ThreeBirds Cafe.
“The baristas called out the name Ryan and I said, ‘Man I really miss Dean Ramble.’ AND THERE HE WAS,” Eyemissyew Deenrammbul ‘25 said. “Like some conjuring shit.”
Ramble’s departure came as a loss to many students and members of the community who wanted their free Sweet Girlz cupcake on their birthday.
“I’ll never get my cupcake now. Screw you, Lafayette,” said Kamala Harris, who was looking forward to getting her birthday cupcake during her visit for the vice presidential debate.
Ramble was also spotted sleeping in a tent set up in the parking lot of Vinny V’s last weekend, according to Pawrtie Regiztrashion ‘27.
“I saw him ask some drunk dudes heading into Milo’s if they wanted a jar of pretzel rods and a deli sandwich spread to absorb the Natty in their stomach,” Regiztrashion said.
Ramble had the eyes of a feral doe and looked malnourished, according to one passerby.
“Please come home, sweet little pumpkin,” Ramble’s grandmother said.
Editor’s note: This is a satire article featured as part of our annual Scoffayette issue.
