Student takes one for the team, brings down exam average

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Looking toward Milo’s, the scene of the heroic decision.

While shouting, “Here’s to you, ECON 247!” on top of a Milo’s table on Monday night, Lafayette student Dan Kaparti ’18 told reporters he would show up drunk to his exam tomorrow to bring down the class average.

Crowds cheered as they realized they also didn’t study, but wanted a higher curve.

“I do really like the class, but I’m already too drunk to be able to comprehend my exam tomorrow,” Kaparti said. The ECON 247 exam is at 2 p.m. tomorrow.

“I’m just really glad I can help out my fellow students, you know,” he added. “I do this for them. And it feels good to give back.”

Later that night, Kaparti was found lauding himself for his selflessness and discussing doing the same good deed in all his classes.

Written by Little Blue-Haired Boy ’90

Editor’s note: This article is part of The Scoffayette, our satire April Fool’s edition.