This guy has a girlfriend but keeps flirting with me when I’m at his frat. What should I do?

Heads: Make him aware that he’s putting you in an uncomfortable spot and needs to be more considerate of his girlfriend. If he persists and you know his girlfriend, tell them. If you aren’t close like that, then tell his frat brothers and they will take care of it.

Tails: Just because there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score. Just because there’s a cashier at Wawa doesn’t mean you can’t steal, and just because there’s a girlfriend doesn’t mean you can’t have shitty five-minute sex in the upstairs of a frat.

How do I get more hoes?

Heads: Stop calling them “hoes” and ask more thought-provoking questions than “What’s your major?” and “What grade are you in?”

Tails: Carry a copy of “Pride and Prejudice” around campus and put a boygenius poster in your room. When asked for your celebrity crush, say that you’re really impressed with Anne Hathaway’s philanthropic work. Tell people that you think WGSS really is a valuable major. Watch these hoes crawl.

I’m graduating in May but I still don’t know what to do with my life. I’m not interested in any careers and am worried I’m falling behind.

Heads: Everyone goes at their own pace. There are so many made-up constructs about having your whole life planned coming out of college and we are all victims of it. You are not alone, and believe me, anyone who looks like they have their shit figured out is just as freaked out as you are. Congratulate and appreciate yourself for making it this far!

Tails: This is Lafayette, so I can only assume your parents have a lot of money. Borrow your daddy’s credit card and try your hand at making Victorian lampshades.

My therapist says that I am the main source of my problems.

Heads: Well, it is important to keep an open mind and understand that they are trying to help you, not insult you. Also, get excited that you are the one who dictates your life getting better. That kind of control isn’t given to everyone.

Tails: This is exactly what you think it is. Everyone in your life is conspiring against you and your therapist is in on it. There are listening devices in your TV and spies in your walls.