I love my housemate, but she won’t stop talking sometimes and I have no downtime in my apartment. What should I do?

Heads: Try embracing resting in your room behind a closed door. If that doesn’t work or you need the common space, then set a boundary and be honest; if they’re your friend they should understand.

Tails: Yes, if you’re reading this, this question is about you.

My girlfriend broke up with me, should I transfer?

Heads: If you’re otherwise happy here then don’t let one person ruin the campus for you. Find a safe space and a group that will support you; the campus is not as small as it seems. I promise that with time you will make the college your own again and won’t even blink when you pass her.

Tails: She is currently in the dingle of a lacrosse player with a 2-5 record doing things you could only dream of. Transferring isn’t enough. 

How do I get a girl’s number without getting One Pard-ed?

Heads: If your idea of getting a girl’s number risks being One Pard-ed, then you’re doing something wrong. Please refer to the “Women Write Heads or Tails” issue for some good reading recommendations that may teach you how to respect women.

Tails: Dude, this is my whole bit and even I’m concerned.