Due to the college’s concerns about an influx of students enjoying time on the Quad as warmer weather approaches, Lafayette administrators made the executive decision to institute a “Virtual Quad,” in which students can log in and access lawn games, have social interactions, and enjoy time in the sun from the comfort of their laptops.

“Students will be able to create an avatar that they can drag along the screen and approach other student’s avatars to chat, request to play games, or grab a meal together from the virtual food truck,” explained President Alison Byerly. 

The virtual food truck will not be accepting Pard dollars, but virtual meals will cost you a meal swipe.

Although many students have said that spending time outside studying, eating, and soaking in some sun has helped relieve feelings of stress and isolation from the pandemic and improved overall student mental health, the administration decided it would be better to input additional opportunities for Zoom fatigue. 

“Creating my avatar was pretty fun,” said senior Andrew Hollander, “but throwing a virtual frisbee got old quickly.”

Any students who attempt to spend time on the Quad for the rest of the semester will kindly be chased away by maskless Public Safety officers on mopeds.

Editor’s note: This is a satire article featured as part of our annual Scoffayette issue.