Even if you don’t know it, you’ve seen evidence of Munson all around campus. He’s the figure that is both everywhere and nowhere—all around us, but impossible to find. Elusive, yes, but always watching… You might see a flash of golden fur, hear a bark in the distance or find chewed up stick in the middle of the quad. Due to popular demand, we here at The Scoffayette took it upon ourselves to track down this campus big wig once and for all. We sat down on a sunny spot on the quad with the 4.5 month old fluff ball himself to get the exclusive, the inside scoop, on what makes Munson tick.

First of all, thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy schedule to join us today, Munson. Since you’re such a high profile figure on campus, we’d love to get your opinion on some of the bigger issues in our community. Does that sound okay?

Munson: Woof woof.

Excellent. So, a few days ago the administration announced a 4 percent increase in annual tuition. What are your thoughts on that?

M: Rrrrrr. Rolls over, exposing his belly.

Wow, that’s insightful. And you think the student body agrees with you?

M: Yip yip yip yip.

Shocking. And speaking of campus controversies, you famously refrained from taking a public stance when Posse DC was at risk of losing funding a few weeks ago. Do you care to comment now?

M: Arf arf. Sits and cocks his head to one side

I think people might be surprised by that answer.

Editor’s note: At this point in the interview Munson dashed away in pursuit of a stray Frisbee. We caught up with him 20 minutes later at his home base, Bailey’s Health Center.

Since we are at the health center, we might as well bring up the elephant in the room: the recent norovirus. Do you think the administration handled the virus correctly?

M: Wags tail and licks interviewer’s knee.

That’s true, I suppose you are biased on that one. One last question before your afternoon nap: How are you feeling about this year’s spring concert line up?

M: I think it was a good choice. Lil Dickey’s critique of ostentatious and exorbitant spending in the rap industry in “$ave Dat Money” was well thought out and perfectly timed. The lyric, “I get logins for Netflix from my cousin Greg” really speaks to the times and—oh wait, is that another Frisbee? Rrrrrrrrr…

Editor’s Note: Munson then left again to chase the Frisbee, concluding our interview. He’s a busy dog and didn’t have time to catch up with us after he began dry humping the statue of the Marquis.