Hurd exposed as AI


Photo by SEX GOD for The Lafayette

Please don’t ask her if she’s friends with ChatGPT. That’s racist.

The President’s House has been rocked by scandal yet again as President Nicole Hurd has been exposed as an artificial intelligence bot.

The discovery came after an anonymous whistleblower in the computer science department leaked to The Scoffayette that a team of researchers implanted Hurd’s brain with a rudimentary AI software to help her respond to complex situations.

“So if, for example, she was dealing with — and this is just off the top of my head — mounting faculty concerns over a lack of administrative transparency, the software would spit out a response to those concerns,” the whistleblower said.

“The only problem is, she wanted it before the fall semester started, so we only had time to program it with a few phrases,” the anonymous source continued. “We tried to explain to her that it meant she would have to respond almost identically to any situation, but she didn’t seem concerned.”

“Lafayette is a place where we say ‘and,’” Hurd replied when pressed on the matter.

Hurd was also confronted by members of the campus community in Farinon College Center last week.

“We’re going to light up the Quad,” she said to the growing mob. “Lafayette is a place where we say ‘and.’”

The shocking revelation comes just one year after The Scoffayette released a bombshell report revealing Hurd’s habit of showering naked. It seems the campus community has forgiven her for the indiscretion after she agreed to go to rehab to kick the habit, but now controversy blooms anew — will this be the final straw?

Editor’s note: This is a satire article featured as part of our annual Scoffayette issue.