Strawberry, vanilla, praline crunch, birthday cake? These may sound like scoops of ice cream, but they are actually the scrumptious flavors of handmade condoms from local Easton business Condoms Galore.
“Our condoms are just the tip, I- I- I mean just the top of the line,” owner Beedee Essem said.
Essem said that his condoms are free-trade, but not guaranteed cruelty-free or cage-free ;). They are made with a combination of vaseline and tubes of flavored lip smackers. “My personal favorite is the Kellog’s Raisin Bran flavor,” Essem said. “Reminds me of my grandmother.”
Essem first got into selling condoms when he was a senior in college.
“I thought that if I helped other people have sex, it would help my own dumpster fire of a sex life,” Essem said. “I’m a virgin so that part is still a work in progress.”
SEX GOD ’24 noted the help of condoms in his sex life. “My dick smells like cherry Coca-Cola … chicks dig it,”
Students will receive a 25 percent discount on all products and Student Government will get a 99 percent discount in hopes of finally getting laid.
Condoms from Condoms Galore can be found in Bailey’s Health Center, Farinon Student Center and your mom’s house because I was there last night.
Editor’s note: This is a satire article featured as part of our annual Scoffayette issue.
