The Oldest College Newspaper in Pennsylvania

The Lafayette

The Oldest College Newspaper in Pennsylvania

The Lafayette

The Oldest College Newspaper in Pennsylvania

The Lafayette

New Wattpad writing major introduced

Photo by Ron DeSantis for The Lafayette
The former members of One Direction will speak on campus next month, provided any professors do not sell quirky female students with messy buns and sparkling blue orbs to them.

Students were left bamboozled this past Friday after the English department announced that the coveted creative writing concentration would be replaced by a new major in Wattpad™ writing. The popular fanfiction website is partnering with Lafayette to offer a new kind of learning to students who have always dreamed of being y/n.

“I think this is a real step in the right direction for the department,” y/n ‘26 said as she tied her hair up into a messy bun. “There are too many basic bitches taking over creative writing. It’s time for a quirky girl takeover!”

“Every morning, when I look at my blue orbs in my bedside table mirror, I dream of taking a course like this, especially since I was sold to a local boy band from my hometown,” Blaunde N. Skinneé ‘23 said, tucking her hair behind her ear, unable to make eye contact due to her smol nature. 

Wattpad concentration majors will be able to take a course involving a case study of “Duplicity” by happydays1d. A film course about the “After” series will also be available for students to take.

“The allure of brooding, tattooed British men in Chelsea boots needs to be studied more frequently,” English professor M. Pixie Dreamgirl said. “If we are going to keep selling our daughters and estranged nieces to boy bands, we should learn more about why we feel so compelled to do so.”

The Wattpad™ writing major is projected to overtake even the literature concentration in the future, eventually slated to become the sole English major offering at Lafayette.

“I always knew that I would feel represented someday. After all, with my sparkling orbs and excessive flannels, how could I not be?” y/n said.

Editor’s note: This is a satire article featured as part of our annual Scoffayette issue.

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Tweedle Dee, Frolicker
Tweedle Dum, Not Like Other Girls
pick me, choose me, love me
Ron DeSantis, Governor of Florida

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