The Oldest College Newspaper in Pennsylvania

The Lafayette

The Oldest College Newspaper in Pennsylvania

The Lafayette

The Oldest College Newspaper in Pennsylvania

The Lafayette

Every editor-in-chief has gone bald

Photo by SEX GOD for The Lafayette
Please donate to my GoFundMe to help fund a toupee.

It turns out Pennsylvania’s oldest college newspaper is also the baldest. For the past decade, every editor-in-chief of The Lafayette has gone bald, an alarming trend for former top editors of the newspaper and prospective ones who are eyeing the job.

Former editor-in-chief Lucie Baldogich ‘22 thinks that the unique nature of The Lafayette’s top position may explain her receding hairline.

“The emails. The articles. The late nights. I guess the stress just got to me,” Baldogich said, rubbing her bald shiny head in contemplation.

Claire “Comb Over” Grunebald ‘20, who scheduled a trip to Turkey for hair-transplant surgery last year, noted that her hair loss came quite suddenly.

“Hair began collecting in the shower like hate mail after a negative track and field article,” she said. 

While some editors like Bald Fuller ‘21 have accepted the cue-ball style, others like Baldryn Kelly ‘19 are still upset that the rest of The Lafayette staff opted for sweatpants for merch instead of hats. 

Now, dear reader, you may wonder: could it be possible that the fearless, suave, GOATed editor-in-chief Nathan Kornfeind has lost his luscious black locks, too? Given my duty to share nothing but the truth, I humbly admit that I have also joined the exclusive club of hairless hacks tasked with leading The Lafayette and informing the campus community. But who needs hair for that, anyway?

Editor’s note: This is a satire article featured as part of our annual Scoffayette issue.

Leave a Comment
About the Contributors
Nathan Kornfeind '23
Nathan Kornfeind '23, Editor-in-Chief
My head's kinda cold.
SEX GOD, Susan Wild's #1 Fan
This probably isn't good for my digital footprint.

Comments (0)

If you wish for your response to an article to be submitted as a letter to the editor, please email [email protected].
All Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *