How do I get over an ex?

Heads: I am a big proponent of no contact for at least a month. You need time for yourself to reestablish your persona and routine outside of the relationship. When you reach emotional independence again, you will have a liberating degree of separation.

Tails: Don’t. Drop by their dorm and spray your perfume/cologne under their door every few days. They’ll find themselves thinking of you at random and they’ll come crawling right back. 

I didn’t study for my test, what should I do?

Heads: You can always cram right before but don’t wear yourself out. If there’s an underlying reason as to why you didn’t study, it could be beneficial to address that. Learn from the experience and do better next time. A bad grade can always be redeemed with a better one.

Tails: Please, this is 2024. ChatGPT is on your phone and a bathroom emergency is remarkably easy to fake. 

How do I know if a girl is interested in me?

Heads: There is no formula. Everyone interacts with people differently, so one person’s flirting is another person’s friendly banter. Let things play out and if you get that feeling that it may be mutual, then try to clearly show your interest in her!

Tails: Make passionate love to her best friend and see how she reacts. Win-win. 

I don’t like my roommate but don’t want to switch rooms, what should I do?

Heads: Boundaries can be applied to any and all relationships, not just romantic ones. Whatever is upsetting you about your roommate, communicate it to them. It’s your space too. If it’s more dire than that, then tell your RA and they can help you figure it out.

Tails: Plant an 8-ball of cocaine in their desk and then tip off the RA. They’ll be out of your room and the school in no time.