The Oldest College Newspaper in Pennsylvania

The Lafayette

The Oldest College Newspaper in Pennsylvania

The Lafayette

The Oldest College Newspaper in Pennsylvania

The Lafayette

‘Abroad changed me’

Students venture into Canada for 10 minutes to get Tim Hortons coffee
Photo by A Very Thinly Sliced Piece of Ham for The Lafayette
Timmy’s is a paradise of cultural wealth and knowledge where curious scholars come to bathe in a joyous understanding of the shared human experience.

Four Lafayette students vacationing in Maine for spring break decided to travel across the border for an academic and cultural experience unlike any other: purchasing Tim Hortons coffee.

“I thought I would be prepared because I played Division I field hockey,” said Rachel Homan ’25, who had never left suburban Philadelphia before this year. “But it’s one thing to learn about our neighbours to the north in class and another to actually visit a cultural Mecca such as Tim Hortons.”

From the moment the students pulled the hockey stick door handles to enter the New Brunswick Timmy’s, they were awestruck by the pure, exotic beauty of ***Canada*** : dutchies, Timbits and people with funny accents drinking Iced Capps in -2 °C weather.

“I went to Tim Hortons for a Double Double, but what I got instead was a real sense of … how do you say en anglais … community,” said Randy Ferbey ’26, who was inspired to pursue a curling major because of the trip.

Wayne Middaugh ’25, in a Zoom interview, said he was so moved by this experience that he decided to stay in Canada. At least I think that’s what he said.

« Aide-moi ! » he exclaimed. « J’ai été kidnappé par un troupeau d’orignaux ! Il ne me reste plus beaucoup de temps. Dites à ma mère que je l’aime et qu’elle est secrètement grand-mère depuis quatre ans. »

Students studying in the Bermuda Triangle could not be reached for comment.

rocktopussy and Carrie Ounbagh contributed reporting.

Editor’s note: This is a satire article featured as part of our annual Scoffayette issue.

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About the Contributors
Aweeb, Blithering Idiot
To the editors, When I opened the newspaper last week, I was surprised to find my photograph and article on the front page detailing a sensitive Student Government matter — without my permission. As a student leader, I expect scrutiny. However, The Lafayette has an ethical responsibility to consider privacy and consent before exposing identifiable student information. The article centered on my resignation that I was navigating confidentially as a member of the Student Government. Yet, the Lafayette featured my photograph prominently without asking for permission. The paper argued that by taking on a student leadership role, I had relinquished reasonable expectations of privacy. Media oversight does not necessitate violation. Such unapproved exposure delivered unnecessary stress at a challenging time when I least expected to be dealing with media publicity. I felt robbed of the opportunity to prepare peers who might see these details broadcast across campus. Unfortunately, I learned this was not an isolated incident: other student leaders confided in me about similar aggressive, inconsiderate coverage by The Lafayette last year — coverage that severely disrupted their life. They told me about reporters calling them past midnight demanding comments, and confronting them during meals to ask them questions. The justification? That invasive publicity “comes with the position” of Student Government. While reasonable for paid public officials, this rationale seems dubious when applied to student volunteers. We did not take on these roles to have our privacy invaded. Rather than targeting student leaders unnecessarily, The Lafayette could better fulfill its journalistic duty by highlighting the over 100 active clubs that imbue our college experience with meaning — the kaleidoscope of groups across academics, arts, activism and more that make Lafayette, Lafayette. Groups like the International Students Association, LaFarm and Refugee Action not only foster personal growth but build bonds of community. Showcasing this ecosystem of student organizations could offer transparency into student life without compromising reasonable expectations of privacy. The Lafayette undoubtedly plays a vital part in illuminating and analyzing salient issues in student life for its readers. However, this must be balanced with respect for individual privacy. This requires thorough staff training on journalistic best practices — particularly seeking all perspectives pre-publication. It requires establishing standard procedures for keeping individual students anonymous if they discuss sensitive matters. And it requires a genuine refocus away from targeting student volunteers over trivial matters and toward balanced coverage of the diverse experiences that make our campus culture special. Chris Kirch ’26, ex-parliamentarian of the Student Government
A Very Thinly Sliced Piece of Ham
Once ate a small man and regretted it

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