Study finds most people read The Scoffayette and not the rest of the paper

A recent study reveals that The Lafayette gains hundreds of readers for their annual Scoffayette, blowing away the usual reader count, which is 2. Study conductors Heywood Youreedme ’19 and Seymour Articles ’20 found that most people refused to participate until they said the word “Scoffayette.”

“I was trying to interview a student, but they didn’t seem interested initially,” Articles said. “Then I mentioned the Scoffayette and all of the sudden they were interested. People were even willing to answer surveys about horseradish, but not The Lafayette.”

Youreedme happened to find someone who actually claimed to have read the newspaper.

“Of course I read the paper,” said the student, who requested anonymity. “Ian Morse [’17] writes for them, right?”

Articles said he was laughed at ruthlessly by some freshmen wearing lanyards.

“I didn’t ever think that could happen,” he said. “But they did say they enjoy the Scoffayette, so I got my answer.”

By Jasper Stone ‘4.6

Editor’s note: This is a satire piece from our April Fool’s “Scoffayette” edition.