The Oldest College Newspaper in Pennsylvania

The Lafayette

The Oldest College Newspaper in Pennsylvania

The Lafayette

The Oldest College Newspaper in Pennsylvania

The Lafayette

Public Safety aids student’s search for lost dignity


By Arthur Dent ‘89 | An earthman to be precise

A student, who has decided to remain innominate, woke up in a room he didn’t recognize to discover he had misplaced his dignity.

He suspects this possession, of which he realized the value only after it was too late, went missing sometime late Saturday night, a night he described as “fantastic” until he became aware it took something from him.

After some hours of delirium, his first action was to call public safety and explain the situation, hoping an officer would be able to aid his search.

“I’ve had only pleasant experiences with the officers and thought they would completely understand,” he remarked in an off-campus interview.

“After a couple of minutes of silence on the other line, halfway through which I heard them inform their whole staff of my ‘misfortune,’” the anonymous student said, “they said they would be available shortly.”

“We have only the well-being of Lafayette students in mind,” an officer of public safety said between outbursts of hysterical laughter in an interview.

After locating the disoriented student in his girlfriend’s friend’s cousin’s acquaintance’s suitemate’s room, public safety and the student coordinated their efforts for the subsequent days.

Although investigation is ongoing, Public Safety disclosed some parts of the investigation so that Lafayette students may also help the search.

Public safety and the student have interviewed many students with whom the student knows he “hung out.” So far, many have contributed stories.

The first part was found in a trashcan outside Pardee, the second near the cameras behind Colton Chapel.

Many students have remarked that although they did not know the student before that night, he quickly became ,during their interaction, “like a bro.”

“I honestly feel bad for him, he was just the most fun guy to be around that night,” an anonymous friend of the student remarked. She later added, “until about 2 a.m.”

“Because of the breadth of investigation and the amount of places [the student] traversed on Saturday night, investigation will most likely continue for some time,” Director of Public Safety Lew Pharris said.

“Closure might only come with very gradual progress over the next months,” he added.

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