The Oldest College Newspaper in Pennsylvania

The Lafayette

The Oldest College Newspaper in Pennsylvania

The Lafayette

The Oldest College Newspaper in Pennsylvania

The Lafayette

Number of people who work out regularly climbs to 10: gym overwhelmed

The nearly dozen regular gym goers of Lafayette have started to share treadmills. (Courtesy of Flickr)

The decision of Mary Thon ’29 to start going to the gym at Kirby Sports Center was the straw that broke the camel’s back. The gym’s capacity is nine and Thon became the tenth regular gym-goer. An all-out brawl ensued between students for the coveted treadmills.

Finally, the students agreed that two people could use the treadmill at a time. Gym staff warned, however, that doubling up on the treadmills could lead to “hanky panky.”

“It’s ridiculous to me that over nine students have to share six treadmills. Of course we’re going to fight over them,” Karen Smith ’20 said while icing her black eye.

Many students are frustrated that the five squash courts and upstairs game room are often found empty, aside from club sports teams using them for practices, varsity teams using them for yoga sessions, and homeless people looking for a warm shelter.

“Those squash courts are used for everything but squash,” said Matt Black ’21. “There’s plenty of room in this building for more equipment.”

Students have also voiced concern over how open floor space for stretching and other workouts has become limited.

“I haven’t done an ab workout in weeks solely because I can’t find room on the floor,” said Buddy Weiser ’20. “All the beer is catching up to me. I don’t want a dad bod.”

Thon said she will go to extreme measures to even up her odds of getting a spot at the gym.

“Sometimes I wait in the bushes outside the gym and try to trip people as they walk toward the door. I don’t really want to hurt them, but I need my work out,” she said.

Students aren’t the only ones upset over the issue. Staff are stressed over how to handle the recent surge of gym-goers.

“After the fight, people bled all over our carpet,” said one staff member nursing a chipped tooth. “We only have so many sanitation wipes.”

Disclaimer: This is technically satire, but we all know it’s true. 

By Jordyn Woods ’13

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