On Thursday, The Lafayette was awarded the Pulitzer Prize for their work covering the new Instagram movement @PayLAFSquirrels. The piece, an exposé on the amount of work that squirrels do on Lafayette’s campus without proper compensation, is gaining international acclaim for its boldness, even gracing the headlining news of Info Wars.

As of today, the story has been out for two weeks and still no one has read it.

“I don’t know. I think I turned it in for a class assignment. I’ve been doing that for three years and have yet to be caught,” Sports Editor Greg Tamaro ’22 said.

The indifference toward the paper has given rise to another Instagram movement at the college, @BanTheLafayette.

“With the amount of paper we waste printing this nonsense that no one on this campus reads, we could save over a million trees,” Assistant Sports Editor Charlie Berman ’24 said.

When asked for comment on this new movement, The Lafayette declined to comment but began to work on a story about themselves.

Editor’s note: This is a satire article featured as part of our annual Scoffayette issue.